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Yelp Yack is a blog featuring original drawings by artist Jessica Wassil. Each illustration is based off a brutally real, random, and anonymous Yelp review. All reviews appear in their original form, so don't front on the grammar!

Yelp Yack launched on May 14th, 2010.
Expect weekly updates.

View more of Jessica Wassil's artwork by visiting

Website Art Direction: Matt Rubin
Theme Customization: Tim Benzinger

Contact / Submit

Submit the best Yelp reviews you find to the email address below and include whatever you want to be credited as and we'll pick them at random!

Rip Van Stinkle

5th October 10

"This place obviously hasn’t heard the term "customer is always right"

I sat at a table on a Sunday trying to enjoy myself, relax, what have you.. as long as need be.

well, apparently this dint sit right with the waitresses and apparently I had outstayed my welcome because one girl said “sir, we need to seat other customers who have been waiting in line”

OH! i’m sorry honey, thats not my problem.   I got so miffed by this that i decided to order a side of cole slaw.  when I sit down to eat i dont want to worry about feeding no damn customer meter.

well, they had the NERVE to give me my second order wrapped TO GO!  Did i stink up the place or somethin??  then I guess the head honcho waitress who I assume is the leader of this brat pack said

"two hours is an inappropriate stay on a busy sunday" OH really, last time I checked it was inappropriate to treat paying customers with zero respect honey!"

Livin la vidal-sassooon

2th October 10

"This place blows like a con-air.
Everyone has an expensive stick up their ass ( that they bought on credit and now cannot afford to pay for), not to mention terrible personal style…why would I trust Ricky Martin with the white pants and Ed Hardy fedora to touch MY style? The only thing going for this etch-a-sketchy is the shampoo girl, she gotz long nailz…i mean fingerz.”

Deeez nuts

1th October 10

"i have two loves in my life.  one- Captain Lou Albano and two- boiled peanuts.  when i was a young peanut myself, my dad would take me to this market, buy a bag then we would go home and watch wrestling, throw the peanut shells on the ground (much to my mother’s chagrin) and then practice moves on the mattress out back.

now that i am an old nut i still get sentimental when passing by and  always try to make a pit stop off the highway.”

She’s not a CHRISTIAN!!!!

2th September 10

"Let this be known, this is in no way a review for the church, BUT for one of its neurotic god fearing disciples.   My friend wanted to join a new parish and asked me to check some out with her so she wouldn’t be alone.. she just went through a divorce and is looking for some spiritual comfort so I decided to be a friend and go along with her.

M I S T A K E!  man, i hope i am not punished for writing this, mind you, its not the church, its a particular “member”  so the service was fine and dandy but afterward the minister said that there would be jelly doughnuts and coffee served in the social hall and would appreciate new members and old to congregate and talk. fine. sounds great.

N O T!  we got to talking about our lives and my dear friend brought up her recent sad divorce.  well, this sent this one beast to hell and back to get her pitchfork and laid into her yelling “IT’S NOT GODS WAY TO BREAK UP A PROMISE” “MARRIAGE IS FOREVER AND YOU BROKE A HOLY PROMISE”  okay, see what i mean, yelling, spitting, face red and sweating. “SHE CAN’T JOIN THE PARISH”!

the minister tried to shut her down but this lady is obviously LOCO.  I just grabbed two jelly doughnuts, my friends hand and split that scene.  two stars for the refreshments”

Tangled up and blue

1th September 10

"I had the worst experience here earlier this year - should have reviewed it then, but maybe it’s better that I didn’t.  I’m a pretty mellow person and the entire experience really pissed me off.  I left feeling like I paid to get tortured in grandma’s house.  I only wish that was an ironic/sarcastic comment.

I decided to check it out as fellow Yelpers gave good reviews on price and liked their experience/cuts.  Sadly, I had poor service (and I was one of two customers in the middle of a Saturday afternoon), got a wire brush yanked through my tangled wet hair (super ow, I actually had to ask she use a plastic comb), she kept making me play musical chairs (wtf?? I don’t know either), she argued with me most of the time and the best part: I surely didn’t save any money as the price that I confirmed over the phone when making my reservation was “changed and there’s nothing we can do about it”.   Grrr.

Thumbs down.  Zero stars, if I could.”

Thats Hawt

5th September 10

"Hot sauce so spicey damned near Crossed my eyes!!!  Now I know what what to give the ladies when I want them to think me for a good lookin fella"

Old dogs got new tricks

1th September 10

"this bar makes a mean nacho and quesidilla plate. it also offers a handful of cougars on the prowl. yeeeow.  i ain’t tryin to date my mom yet but there was this one woman that definitely put my buddy in check at the pool table and i wondered what else she would be able to teach."

Eternal flames

3th September 10

"This beach is absolutely GORGEOUS!  Volleyball nets, seashells for miles…

Only… I made the mistake of tweeting that I wanted to go to the beach one particular day and three “former flames” showed up.  Error on my part, but who can really have an awkward time when its so beautiful out!”

Neverending bowl of Nausea

1th September 10

"STAY AWAY.. i mean it STAY FAR FAR AWAY….me n my friend was craving for  italian food.. and we came here.. big mistake…. the wait was an HOUR.. for TWO people.. hmm wells the guy that seated us was sweet.. our server was horrible.. we order our drink and order… she gave us 3 bread stick for two people… so are we suppose to like get one each and spilt the third one.. ehhh…

the salad had too much dressing…. soo our food came out and i had order da eggplant …. and it was nicey n oily.. yuck… ugh… our server came around mayb once? or twice to refil our drinks and she put the wrong drink in my friend drink.. hmmmmmmmm overall i went home wit a tummy ache.. and left a 3 dollar tip.. GET BETTER SERVERS!!!.. food was icky ..=/ stay away…” 

Punk Squawk

4th September 10

"I moved into this place a few months ago and at first sight no complaints.

That is until a twirp got kicked out of boot camp and is now liberating himself by playing his loud as hell “music” at all hours of the night/morning/day.

I used to play rock in the 70’s and it had a sense of musicianship to it.  His music is like a 4 year old banging pots and pants and having a  dag tantrum.

I’ve contacted management about it and looks like I am stuck with the squawker cos his mom dates the manager.  Go figure.”

Strip tease

1th September 10

"this photobooth has saved my life.  at the end of a long nite sometimes the photostrip is the only thing that can tell me what went on the nite before.

like “don’t wear pink lipstick no more” and “oops i kiss that boy but forgot his number”, oh wait, it’s written on the back of the photobooth pics.

thanks phootbooth.”

Devandra Bum-out

4nd September 10

"I would’ve given it 5 stars, but Devendra Banhart was there."